I had an interesting weekend.  Saturday morning I went with my sisters to an “antique mall” not far from us.  I have to question what people are trying to pass off as “antiques” these days.  There were things there ranging from the very old to the very recent.  Some things still had tags on them from Macy’s for crying out loud.  I’m pretty sure that stuff wasn’t around back in the day.  Just because something is older than you are does not qualify it as being antique.  In fact, I saw so many things there that fell within “my time” that I became offended and decided to look up the term.  The commonly accepted definition of the word “antique” is something that is at least 100 years old.  I would venture to guess that very little in that store fell into that category.  I think antique malls have become places where serious yard sale fanatics have started unloading their unsold merchandise during the winter months.  They can clean it up, call it “vintage” and slap a higher price on it.  I have nothing against this practice, mind you.  I, myself, might try a hand at it at some point.  My real question is…how do you know if what you are buying is, in fact, an antique?  What if I wanted something that was honestly over 100 years old?  Where can I shop if not at one of these stores?  Alas…these are the things that keep me up at night.

 The rest of my weekend was spent trying to pass a kidney stone.  Good times, I tell ya.  That brings me to my next point.  I had to drink a LOT of water.  I noticed something during my water consumption that really annoyed me.  Why is it that water bottling companies only put 16.9 ounces of water in a bottle?  Why not 17?  What is so horrible about putting that extra .1 ounce in the bottle?  Do they just like messing with OCD people like me who need the number to be even?  Do they want the average person to have to do harder math to calculate how much they drank that day?  What is it?  PLEASE someone tell me.  I have to know. 

 Also, after reading up on this kidney stone issue I discovered that it is apparently very bad for me to be drinking tea and eating chocolate.  Those are major irritants.  Those are also two of my favorite things.  The only thing worse it could tell me not to have any more is doughnuts.  That would have been the trifecta of cruel.  So, Dad, after all that preaching to you about having to give up cigarettes and beer I suppose the universe is paying me back.  Enjoy the laugh.  Pretty soon I’ll be slipping off to the garage to invade some stash of warm tea and return to the house with chocolate on my breath and a goofy grin on my face and my daughter will be telling on ME to HER daddy.  Who knows though…while I’m out there I just might find some “antiques.”  I’m just sayin… 


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