Stick It!

I don’t understand people who have bumper stickers on their cars. I can deal with window decals. You can scrape those off if you need to. Even those I can only take in moderation though. For example: All you ladies who have your precious little stick figure families…think about this. You are advertising exactly how many people a home-invader needs to tie up and beat/rape and how many kids are there in your household for resale. Also, you are letting them know if there are any dogs that need to be disposed of. That’s all I’m going to say on the subject.

Now, on to the bumper sticker issue…When I see a bumper sticker on a car I automatically take issue with the person driving it. Even if I were to get to know the person and they turned out to be okay, deep in my subconscious there would be that knowledge that they were one of “those” people and it would be really hard for me to deal with. There are several types of people who put a bumper sticker on their car.

First there is the wannabe comedian. This person generally starts out okay, but then the joke they chose gets kind of old, but he/she has placed this on their car and there is no getting that thing off. That joke is there to stay, no matter how stale it is. This just shows that they didn’t think it through very well. Poor judgment…

Next we have the political supporter. Poor thing doesn’t realize that if his or her candidate doesn’t win they are driving around the “loser-mobile” for the next forever. Then, if the candidate DOES win, it is just like they are rubbing it in the face of everyone who didn’t vote for that person. Stupid….just don’t do it. Prop it in your window if you have to, but for the love of humanity please don’t put that crap on your car!

Then there are the braggers…you know the ones. They have either the bumper sticker that tells about how their kid is an honor student or they have a window decal that just says a number, like 13.1 or 26.2. It took me forever to figure out that meant they had either run a half or whole marathon. Does anybody else see the irony that they have a sticker on their CAR about how far they can RUN? It’s sort of like all those idiots who have all the Harley advertisements on their crappy pick-up trucks. I feel like telling them it’s a truck, not a motorcycle…slapping the logo on it isn’t going to change that or suddenly make it awesome.

I have saved the most irritating for last. The vilest of all offenders is the activist. These folks will have stickers all over their car. They don’t even keep to the bumper. Their causes range from saving the trees to why can’t we all just get along. You will recognize these people because their cars will be in one of two categories. They will either be driving something so old that they just don’t care anymore (these are the ones that plaster them everywhere) or they will be driving a hybrid or electric car. The hybrid driver will only have one or two stickers telling us to be good to the environment or perhaps to “save the ta-tas”. These people never get up to the speed limit and look at you like you are a murderer if, heaven forbid, you happen to be driving an SUV. <GASP!> My favorite has to be the “coexist” sticker made with the symbols from all the different religions. I take exception to that one seeing as how about half of those other religions think that people in mine should die. Kinda hard to coexist with that. I’m just sayin…

Left Out

You know, growing up I never really fit into any “clique”.  I wasn’t spiritual enough for my friends whose parents worked in the church or school and I was “too spiritual” for anyone else because I actually studied and knew the Bible and went to a Christian School.  I was friends with all of them, but never as close as I wanted to be.  There was a wall there.

 As an adult it has become even harder.  I have gleaned things from the Bible and formed opinions that don’t necessarily match up to the denomination I belong to.  I’m not perfect.  I curse more than I should and watch things on TV that would give my high-school teachers a heart-attack, but I try hard.  I make sure my family makes it to church most Sundays, I am sending my child to a Christian school so she can have the same foundation I did and I pray… a lot.  Where I have trouble is plugging in to the church.  It feels like I am back in high school again.  I’m not good enough for the women who “are active” at church and I’m too good for the outliers.  In a couples setting I’m the one who studies every week and comes prepared. It is assumed that the men should be the ones to do all that and we should just listen. I disagree…we all have value to add.  I have finally given up even trying to fit in.  I don’t care anymore.  I have finally figured out that other people’s opinion of me is irrelevant.  God made me very unique and I’m thankful.  I’ve learned life lessons that I wouldn’t trade for anything.  I’ve also learned to laugh at myself.  If you can’t laugh at yourself then you have major issues.  And, most importantly, I have decided that at the end of the day if I’m okay with God then people can just deal.  Of course, some would say I’m NOT okay with God…I just think I am.  I don’t know though.  He’s the only one who can judge me and I think I will come out okay on that. 

 I say all of this simply to encourage anyone else out there who feels this way.  No denomination is perfect, so just pick the one closest to your beliefs and stay with it.  Don’t apologize for having feelings or opinions on a topic, especially if it is one that you have knowledge of.  You won’t always be right, but the only way to learn is to discuss.  And most importantly, be comfortable in the skin you are in.  God made you special.  You won’t be just like someone else or think just like someone else and that is okay.  The other person is no better than we are…I’m just sayin.

Driving Me Crazy

I know what you’re thinking…”Jo…you are already crazy.  That’s not much of a drive.”  True…true…but today’s topic is all about traffic and the way people behave in it…thus the title.  I thought I would bring to light a few of the little things that people do in my daily commute that I simply don’t understand.  Hang on, ‘cause here we go!

 If you and I come to a 4-way stop sign and it is just the two of us and you clearly get there first, don’t try to be “nice” and let me go first.  This only confuses the matter and causes us both to sit there longer while I try to figure out if you are baiting me.  Just freaking go!  This costs me precious time every morning while this one truck and I come to the same stop sign and the kind creature makes me go first.  The one day I automatically go they will floor it.  I have no doubt.  It’s a set-up.

 Next, If we are driving down the interstate and I am going 80 in the slow lane and the person in the middle lane is also going 80 but in a position where you can’t pass me, do NOT ride my bumper.  It will not cause me to go faster.  I am already speeding.  It will, in fact, cause me to keep pace with that other car just to aggravate you.  It is these little things that actually give me pleasure.  Remember this. 

 If you or your car can/will not go above the posted speed limit please do not get in the fast lane and make it your bitch.  That lane was intended for people in a bigger hurry than you to actually pass other drivers just like you while on their way to places that matter, unlike you.  MOVE OVER.  (I’m talking to you, Kentucky drivers.)

 Most of the time if you have a blinker on I will let you over.  I’m pretty good about that.  Do not, however, consider the blinker a free pass to do whatever you want in the lanes of rush hour traffic.  You will suffer the consequences at some point…usually in the form of my blaring horn followed by loud off-key singing with the windows down while moving slowly….you can’t run from that, jack wagon.   :o)

 This last thing pertains to the garage in the afternoon when I’m getting ready to leave.  I will be the first to admit that I don’t back up exceptionally well.  It is for this reason that I always try to back into a space in the morning when there aren’t that many cars around.  If in the afternoon, however, I am backing OUT of a space I am extra cautious.  I look both ways, check the ramp above to make sure nobody is coming so that I don’t get surprised while I’m getting out of the space.  Inevitably though, by the time I get out of my space someone will have been driving so quickly through the garage that they will already be on me by the time I get backed out.  Not just close by, but SO close I can’t even see their front bumper.  If you see someone backing out of a space, it is usually a good idea to give them some room.  I am constantly checking all angles as I back out so if you are able to get on me that quickly you are driving way too fast in the first place, but secondly, getting that close is not going to hurry me up.  In fact, when you do this it only makes me go slower.  It might also make me realize the need to clean my windshield so they get an extra shower. 

 That’s all.  Common courtesy people…it won’t kill ya.  I’m just sayin…