You know, growing up I never really fit into any “clique”. I wasn’t spiritual enough for my friends whose parents worked in the church or school and I was “too spiritual” for anyone else because I actually studied and knew the Bible and went to a Christian School. I was friends with all of them, but never as close as I wanted to be. There was a wall there.
As an adult it has become even harder. I have gleaned things from the Bible and formed opinions that don’t necessarily match up to the denomination I belong to. I’m not perfect. I curse more than I should and watch things on TV that would give my high-school teachers a heart-attack, but I try hard. I make sure my family makes it to church most Sundays, I am sending my child to a Christian school so she can have the same foundation I did and I pray… a lot. Where I have trouble is plugging in to the church. It feels like I am back in high school again. I’m not good enough for the women who “are active” at church and I’m too good for the outliers. In a couples setting I’m the one who studies every week and comes prepared. It is assumed that the men should be the ones to do all that and we should just listen. I disagree…we all have value to add. I have finally given up even trying to fit in. I don’t care anymore. I have finally figured out that other people’s opinion of me is irrelevant. God made me very unique and I’m thankful. I’ve learned life lessons that I wouldn’t trade for anything. I’ve also learned to laugh at myself. If you can’t laugh at yourself then you have major issues. And, most importantly, I have decided that at the end of the day if I’m okay with God then people can just deal. Of course, some would say I’m NOT okay with God…I just think I am. I don’t know though. He’s the only one who can judge me and I think I will come out okay on that.
I say all of this simply to encourage anyone else out there who feels this way. No denomination is perfect, so just pick the one closest to your beliefs and stay with it. Don’t apologize for having feelings or opinions on a topic, especially if it is one that you have knowledge of. You won’t always be right, but the only way to learn is to discuss. And most importantly, be comfortable in the skin you are in. God made you special. You won’t be just like someone else or think just like someone else and that is okay. The other person is no better than we are…I’m just sayin.