I just read an article talking about things you should never do in marriage and it was all written by a woman for other women. This is the sort of thing that makes me literally start lurching as if I’m going to vomit. Sure she was just sharing her perspective on a Biblical marriage, but if a woman follows all of these rules she would never talk. I mean really!
The first one is not to nag. Granted, I try not to nag, as I don’t enjoy it. I think if I say something with his complete attention that he should remember what I’ve said and then do what I asked provided it is a reasonable request. There are occasions, however, where the things I’ve asked him to do are things he really doesn’t want to do (and in those instances he will find reasons not to follow up) or he will claim he just forgot. It is at those times where not only do I start to nag, but I do so in a very sarcastic way if at all possible. Is this a peaceful way to accomplish things? No…but it sure feels better than being ignored.
Secondly she says we shouldn’t complain. Now I sort of understand this one. My husband complains all the time about different things. It’s his way of getting it off of his chest. Do I like it? Not at all, but I understand why he does it. He has no one else really to go to with it. When we sign up for marriage we sign on as a lot of things. One of those things is therapist (unless you have an actual therapist in which case this activity would have to stop.) To expect someone not to complain is like telling them to bottle all that up inside. We all know how those things end. Somebody’s getting dead!
She also says we shouldn’t get angry. Please see the paragraph on nagging. Anger in marriage is inevitable. Two people cannot live under the same roof for an extended period of time without one getting angry at the other. You can control what you do with your anger, but not the anger itself. To expect someone to not be angry is irrational. Heavens! Even Jesus got angry at the moneychangers in the temple. It happens, folks.
She also mentions selfishness and keeping score. I agree with those two. If you put yourself first all the time then the other person feels totally neglected. Also, keeping score doesn’t really help you in a fight. It just leaves the other person feeling either angry that you remembered all that or dejected that you really think that poorly of them. It doesn’t really help anything.
I guess what I’m saying is that we should be teaching our kids to be realistic about marriage. You WILL have fights. You WILL have to nag sometimes. The important thing is to love each other unconditionally and take that person with flaws and all and realize that you are no better. Well, maybe a little better but not THAT much better. At any rate, I think that if we put more realistic expectations on marriage we wouldn’t have so many that end in divorce. No one is perfect. There is no prince on a white horse who is coming to save us, ladies. Cinderella got him. She probably got nagged a lot too. I mean, what kind of housekeeper could she have been? Did you SEE all the mice in that place? I’m just sayin…