An Eye for an Eye

My daughter is 9 years old now, but when she was a toddler she enjoyed very much the act of throwing books at me. I don’t know if she liked reading that much or if she wanted to see if I could duck, but I had many bruises during that time. My husband suggested putting her in martial arts because he wanted her to be able to defend herself. My response was a firm no. She already knew how to throw things and I really didn’t want a child that small to be able to kick my ass. I feel kind of bad about it now because she probably would have been a prodigy, but still…I worry enough about what retirement home she is going to choose for me…I don’t want her to be able to send me there with a high kick.

My daughter and I have an interesting relationship. We are constantly either trying to scare each other or make one another laugh. I adore her in every possible way. She is a perfect child, minus the occasional whining. She is also very accident prone which she got from me. All she has to do is look at something that could hurt her and within 5 minutes she is injured. Case in point: The other day on the way to summer camp she insisted on wearing her bike helmet so that when we got there she could just ride her bike around to where they park them. I started laughing about half way there because she looked so cute yet ridiculous sitting back there all happy with her little helmet. Of course, I didn’t leave things alone, I had to ask her why she still needed the helmet and she just glared at me. It was then I had the bright idea that if I tossed a penny in the air that it would hit the helmet and then I would say “Look, Hon! Pennies from Heaven! Aren’t you glad you have that helmet on?!” I just thought it would be funny. When I tossed the penny she had her head turned and was looking out the window. The second the penny left my hand she turned towards me, and as though she were trying to catch it with her face, it hit her square in the eye. Of course there was much crying but once I determined she was okay I started laughing….and I couldn’t stop. There was just something so funny about the way she turned (in my head it happened in slow motion) and then when you factor in the odds of that happening…well, it was just too much for me. At first she was offended, but then she started laughing too and it was all I could do to get us to camp. When I picked her up from camp that evening I had to ask her, “A penny for your thoughts?” She wasn’t amused. I continued yucking it up all night until I went to bed and in order to punish me for beating him to bed my husband smacked me in the head with a pillow…just as I turned to look at him. It hit me in the eye. The moral of this story is that it’s all fun and games until somebody puts an eye out. My mamma was right. I’m just sayin…

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