Why is it that when I leave two car lengths between me and the person in front of me, like I’m supposed to, other people see that as an invitation to see if they can fit between us and without using a blinker? Yes, please come right over. I’ve left a space especially for you!

 Why is it that when I have a yard sale I get maybe 8 customers all day and it ends in a torrential downpour? I always have to re-wash the clothes I had out and give up any electronics. I know other people who actually make a living with yard sales though. How on earth do they do it? With me it is almost as if God says “You’ve played outside long enough, young lady!” then He turns the galactic hose on me and I have to go inside.

 Why is it that the snippets that they play on the radio advertising the station are so darn great and then the song they play immediately after that commercial always sucks? You get all revved up to hear some Nirvana and the next thing you know they are playing Hall & Oats. (Nothing against H&O, but they are no Nirvana.)

 Why is it that the drugs they advertise on TV come with so many potentially fatal side effects? If my drug had those kinds of side effects the last thing I would do is advertise on TV. The last one they say is almost always “may be fatal for some patients. Do not take if you are pregnant, over the age of 2 or have ever had ice cream. These things could cause death.” Well, whoopty do! I think I’ll just run right down to the doctor’s office and beg for some of that!

 Why do those same drugs have such ridiculous names? My daughter and I will actually just look at each other randomly and say “Latuda” or “Xeljanz” and then laugh for no apparent reason other than the name is funny. I guess they got us to remember them though. I couldn’t tell you what either one does besides cause anal leakage and tumors of some kind. (Don’t sue me, pharmaceutical companies…I’m only playing.)

 Why do they always enclose children’s toys in those blister packages? Aside from making kids crazy because they can’t rip into them right away it is almost as if they want to see if they can cut you without even being present. That might make for a good crime novel…a killer who puts poison on the blister packaging and waits for the wife to struggle with it for the kid. The police would be baffled…how did the poison get into her system? Nobody would check that. Unless, of course, they saw the cuts all over her hands and arms…that could lead to suspicion. Somebody write this thing…I want to see how it plays out.

 Why does my cat clean her butt so frequently and in plain sight of everyone at dinner? I mean, really…what on earth could be going on down there? As the old man in Long Kiss Goodnight said, “I implore you that whatever is in that dog’s a*% is either gone for good or there to stay.” I’m just sayin…


The Cover Up

You know, I’m seeing lots of posts on Facebook lately that disturb me. One today was a blog about a blog that upset the first blogger. The topic was that the lady was upset that her friends were posting bikini pics for her husband to see because they were going through a rough time and didn’t need those stumbling blocks. The other lady’s point of view was that she had every right to post those pics and maybe the husband and wife had bigger issues than that. Here’s where I stand. I can totally understand the wife’s issues. Nobody wants their husband having “those mental images” of friends/co-workers. Most of the time it is harmless enough, but if you are already in a bad place, it can do more damage. Yes, the lady is probably insecure. Anyone having marital problems would be. That’s not a crime. We all get older, and less perfect physically, and for women that is much harder than it is for men. Men still think they are studs, but the women know they can and, in some cases, will be traded in on a younger/firmer model. That is where this poor woman is coming from. On the flip side, the person posting the bikini pics is more than likely just posting vacation photos and that is what she wears to the beach. Now, there ARE some women (I know a few) who post those photos to get attention. They are the ones who aggravate me. I want to comment, “Yes…we know you have big boobs…you want an award or something?” or “Hey, Honey…You really need a sammich!” You know these women because they “pose” for their selfie or what have you. I call these the attention hos. There are lots of them out there.

 Another thing I’ve been seeing recently is all the dance pictures that my friend’s kids are in. I love these people. They are good, kind, moral people. For some reason though, their little girls are wearing make-up and really little clothes. This disturbs me. They are children…let’s allow them to be that. No make-up, no mini-skirts. Cover them up! Do you KNOW how many pedophiles there are in the world? Do you realize that they could also be viewing these photos and I guarantee you they aren’t saying, “Oh! How adorable!” It makes me physically ill to think about.

 The bottom line here, ladies, is modesty. Nobody said you have to dress like your grandma, but there is definitely a less trashy way to look. Don’t go around in miniskirts and low cut blouses if you don’t want men to look and women to hate you. It will happen. Also, when choosing a bathing suit, perhaps if you have to worry that if you bend over you will pop out of it or that a strong ocean wave could take the suit with it then maybe that suit isn’t appropriate for wearing in public. I see people on the beach with less fabric on than they would have if they had gone out in their bra and panties. Those are the REAL insecure women. Anyone who wants to draw that kind of attention can’t be too confident in their personalities. I’m just sayin…