The Freaks Come Out at Night

Halloween used to be a time that was a lot of fun for me. We had to wait until dark to go out and you went out on Halloween…no matter what day that fell on. I had the plastic face mask with the eye and mouth holes and I just wore my own clothes. After all, Wonder Woman had to go casual sometimes too…

Halloween today, like any other holiday, has become so over commercialized that they have taken away a big part of the fun for me. Now you can’t find a costume for less than $30 unless you have a toddler and what you get is so flimsy you want to throw it away when you are done. You don’t go trick-or-treating anymore to people you know…you go to Trunk or Treat, which is fine…but it’s not as fun as having to run up to someone’s door and beg for candy. There are hordes of kids in the neighborhoods too. I feel sorry for the people who stay home and hand out candy. They must spend at least $50 just on that alone with all the people showing up that they have never seen before. Back in the day if you didn’t know the person you didn’t bother them. Now you go see anyone and everyone. We used to get strange things too in our bags, like popcorn balls and oranges. I never fully understood this, but since I knew the person who gave it to me, those things always got eaten. My kids will never know this oddity.

I also don’t understand the phenomenon of women’s costumes having so little to them. If a man wants to dress up like a policeman for the night he gets dark fake pants and a shirt and the badge and hat, etc. If a woman wants to be a cop she gets a mini dress, stockings and thigh-high boot covers. Now, forgive me, but when did female officers start dressing this way? There isn’t even a place for her gun and dressed like that she’s gonna need one! Little Bo Peep has such a low neckline and short skirt that it’s a wonder she can even roam the hillsides looking for sheep. I mean, who goes out looking for farm animals in hooker heels? Wait…don’t answer that. My point is that these costumes are not very authentic. I think they should just label them all with the word “hooker” before them so that there isn’t any confusion. For example, Hooker Dorothy is very different from the actual Dorothy in Wizard of Oz. You get the idea. Even kid’s costumes are insane. My baby wants to be a skeleton this year. I went looking for a costume for a little girl skeleton. What I found were tights with bones on them and super tiny dresses that had maybe a little reference to what a skeleton would be. For boys…black pants with bones and a black long-sleeved shirt also with bones: Simple, efficient, adorable. WHY would a ten year old girl need to look any different? But I digress…

I just want my daughter to have the good, warm memories of Halloween that I had begging for candy all night and getting to see people you wouldn’t ordinarily see. One of my favorite things was always ending up at the house of my brother’s girlfriend. Nobody ever did Halloween like her mom did, right down to scaring kids at the door and having the spooky music going, etc. People just don’t do that stuff anymore. It’s a real shame!

This Halloween, try if you can to make it memorable for the kiddos. Make them a costume that they can be proud of, take them just to your friends and family and end up somewhere grand…even if it is your own home where you can then hand out candy and scare the crap out of little kids. These are the things they will take with them forever and talk about for years to come. Also, beware…if a Little Bo Peep in a mini skirt with hooker heels asks you if you want some candy, she may not be referring to chocolate. That will only lead to a much scarier place where you will spend the night fighting off various members of the Justice League and a few men dressed as police women. I’m just sayin…


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