Let it Go

I have several psychological issues. I know what you are saying…”Who? You? No WAY!” Yes, yes I do. The first of these issues is that I have the need to control things. I’m not what you would call a “control freak,” but I really do need to control anything that directly affects me. For example, I wouldn’t try to control what you do, but if what you do is going to cause me pain I will then try to control that situation. I am a list maker, a planner, a logical thinker. I am also very task oriented in that I have to have a reason to do what I’m doing and there needs to be a goal. I have a hard time on a day off when I don’t have a purpose. I also need for things to make sense. When they don’t I am very bothered by it and will dig and dig until things fall into place in my mind. This might have made me a very good investigator, to be honest.

The other major issue I have is with trust. I have a very difficult time trusting anyone, at any time, for any reason, period. I’m a very open and honest person, but I’m not very optimistic when it comes to human nature. I tend to think that almost everyone has some ulterior motive that drives them. If someone just randomly gives me cookies, in the back of my mind I’m wondering what they want or what they did to them. Maybe it isn’t so much a trust issue as it is that I’m suspicious of everyone all the time. I didn’t start out this way, mind you. I used to be way too trusting, but then life happened. I’ve been let down by so many people as an adult that I guess I’m just sort of cynical.

When you combine trust issues with the need to control things you end up with a very bad case of anxiety. It is okay sometimes, but sometimes it isn’t. With all that was going on this last year I finally had to break down and ask my doctor for help. Now, thanks to Effexor, I am even keeled. As my friend Erin would say, I’m “medicated and mighty.” (love ya, girl!)

What I’m struggling with is that there are so many passages of the Bible that tell us not to worry or be anxious. “Be anxious for nothing.” “I know the plans I have for you.” “My eye is on the sparrow.” (that last one was for you, Bro.) At any rate, it is clear that I need to stop all this nonsense and just rely on God. It’s much easier said than done though. Everybody says things like “Let go and let God” and it sounds wonderful. It sounds like the kind of freedom that I desperately need. How do you do that though? I mean, I pray every day. I trust God to take care of me. The problem I have mostly is that I feel like I should be helping God along with the situation…there is that control issue coming through again. I have trouble being patient and allowing Him to work in my life. He comes through every single time. By now I should know this. I should be able to pray and let Him know what is truly bothering me and then trust that He will take care of it in His time. It is all that time UNTIL He takes care of it that shuts me down. I know what you’re thinking…that just makes me human. Maybe, but it sure would be nice to be able to really let things go.

I guess what I’m saying is that there is one thing I promise to work on this year. I promise to do my best to let God work. My goal will simply be to not be a hindrance. I’m going to really try to let go and actually let God and whatever the end result…take it like a grown-up. If, however, you see that I have developed a nervous tick, please understand that the control freak is in some state of mental breakdown and then throw chocolate at me and back away slowly. I’m just sayin…


Checking Out

You know what? I’m going to take a break from social media for a while. Not Pinterest though…you can learn things there. I’m just tired I guess. I’m tired of seeing everyone’s drama played out before the world. I’m tired of hearing everyone’s opinions about politics, religion, and child rearing. I’ve grown more and more cynical as each day passes.

I firmly believe that social media and, in large part the internet, has ruined more lives than it has helped. I’ve enjoyed reconnecting with long lost friends and seeing pictures of my family’s new babies, etc. What I haven’t enjoyed is hearing about my friends whose marriages were broken because of the ease of “chatting” on Facebook with people they had no business talking with or seeing. I haven’t enjoyed the arguments started because of strongly held beliefs. I haven’t enjoyed hearing about the ease with which people can download images and videos that they have no business looking at. Families are broken and lives ripped apart because of the selfishness of people and what they think they can get away with. There is very little integrity present in people today. It is a society of “what they don’t’ know won’t hurt them” but believe me, it does hurt them very much. Secrets are never secrets forever. Nothing is ever gone from the internet no matter what you did to erase it. Lives are never the same.

I will continue to post to this blog from time to time, but only people who really enjoy reading it will bother to log back in. Mostly this will be for me personally as an outlet for my thoughts. I won’t be gone forever, but at least for a while. I think my life will be richer because of it. Everyone should try it for a while. You might be amazed at the life you have been missing and the people who have been missing you. I’m just sayin…

Justice for None

Is there anyone currently in Nashville who does NOT know who Fart Dunham is at this point? (I changed the name so as not to get sued for libel.) If so, what rock do you live under and may I please move in? I honestly think the man has pre-paid for his commercials to run for at least 10 years after he dies. If I have to see one more obnoxious chick do a biker photo shoot or attempt to teach dance to kids who have less talent than an unfortunate individual having a seizure then my head just may explode. I don’t know where he finds these women, but I can only hope they are either family of some kind or that Fart Jr. is getting plenty of strange because when choosing candidates I think they took the first ones on their list of auditions. Now, in addition to the TV ads that air every five minutes during all morning programming, we get to look at his very photo shopped mug on city buses. Today I even came across a billboard advertising how “down to earth” they are. Really? Because millions of dollars really makes a person “relatable.”

At least now he has a little competition with Potsie (name changed for sake of lawsuits) “Justice for all.” What about the person getting sued for millions for an accident that only cost thousands? Where is the justice for that person? At least get a believable slogan like the other guy whose line is “For the People.” He doesn’t specify WHICH people, but it works. Of course I don’t remember his name, but I’ll bet Google could find him.

What I guess I’m saying is that I’m tired of boring lawyer commercials. At least at one point they were like a soap opera and you spent the next five days trying to figure out exactly what you just watched and was your brain affected in some non-reversible way. Having name recognition is one thing…making a mockery of the legal system is another. I’m just sayin…